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Looking for girlfriend or boyfriend > 40 years > I dont want to marry my girlfriend reddit

I dont want to marry my girlfriend reddit

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At any time mods may remove or refer posts to other subs as we deem appropriate, and our decisions are final. The full rules for the subreddit can be found on our Wiki , please familiarize yourself with them. Relationships self. I [28M] have been dating my girlfriend [29F] for 4 years. To give you an idea of where we are in our relationship, we have had all of the relevant discussions concerning our future, but I've always had a hard time dealing with the commitment.

She has recently mentioned that if we are to be together forever, we really should take the next step, and I'm having trouble getting there because I don't know if I am ready. To give you an idea of whats troubling me, here are some of our feelings on so called 'big' topics:. She feels it is unnecessary to have more than 1 for everything; we should be united and squirreling money away into a "I paid for this" account is not unity.

I feel like she does not see the conflicts that can arise when one of us assumes the other isn't spending from an account. I like my personal space and getting used to a partner is a bit of a change. She believes that learning to live with each other is an important part of the married lifestyle, and does not want to live together before "I do".

As a half-way point, I suggested moving in after an engagement, if only to help save for the wedding, but she is adamant that we stay in separate houses. See next topic. Wedding: We both agree we don't want a huge, out-of-control wedding that costs a fortune starting out, but she has a large extended family, like married first cousins with families of 5.

I have a smaller family and barely any nieces or nephews. We're up to a bare minimum of people on the guest list of those who cannot be cut, plus she doesn't want to rely on money from our parents to pay for the expense she wants us to handle it. Prenuptuals: I came from a broken home. My Dad endlessly repeats how shafted he got in the divorce from his first wife. While I don't plan on getting divorced, I understand that these things happen, so I always wanted a prenup to make the process cleaner, should it happen.

She feels this is planning for failure and undermines the very essence of getting married in the first place. She wants forever to mean forever, and a prenup does not help build a stronger commitment to each other when "you can just give up anytime". Kids: I want kids. She does too. We both agree on a number. But I don't have a lot of experience with kids; I'm the youngest even in my extended family. She is the oldest in hers.

To keep things clear with her, I have voiced my concerns with my rediness for kids; how I am not looking forward to losing sleep, time, and dealing with constant crying. She says every time I say these things, she gets nervous and thinks I don't want kids, and if so to tell her now so she doesn't waste her time. I can't help but feel like I am not getting what I want here. All of the compromises I come up with seem to be still unacceptable.

I feel like I am pressured to propose with money I don't have for a ring to start a "no longer than a year" engagement planning a monster wedding that can't be any smaller, paying for all of this on her terms, then a push for a house and kids, all within 4 years. Any advice or similar scenarios? TL;DR: GF feels we've dated long enough to know if we want to spend the rest of our lives together, and wants to get a move on. I feel pressured to make it all happen in a few short years.

I don't feel ready today, but feel like I need to be to plan for tomorrow. You articulated your points pretty well here. I think this exactly the kind of thing that a premarital counselor can help you mediate. With a third party there, your girlfriend can't just brush stuff off and move to the next topic.

If you can't resolve these issues in counselling, you should really let your GF go to find someone who is ready to marry her on her terms. A woman doesn't have unlimited fertile years you know, and it's selfish to keep the two of you in limbo. Yu could easily dump her when she's 35, and go on to finally have kids in your 50s. Not so for her.

Lastly, I'll put in a positive word for eloping. Whatever shitfest is caused by not inviting all those people will blow over sooner than the debt from a bloated, stressful wedding. While I don't want to elope, i wouldn't mind a simple person wedding. Counseling does sound like a good idea though. A simpler solution to the wedding would be to invite the parents only so they don't bring the kids.

That should cut out a huge amount of people. Or cut out extended family: only immediate family parents, siblings selective extended family grandparents, MAYBE aunts and uncles but no children and only your very closest friends. The wedding is your celebration, OP. It's not fair to feel obligated to invite a ton of people because that's "what's expected. Either that or elope or have a very small wedding and throw a party a while down the line that is more casual that will cost less, so more people can be present for the celebration portion.

I want to recommend some of these options. We're both flustered by the amount of people there would be, but I'm still a little uneasy as she's doubling my family easily. Mind you, we are not yet engaged so this is all hypothetical. Especially because weddings are just so expensive. It's a matter of practicality as well as having fun. I know people joke that the solution to everything in this sub is either "leave" or "get counselling" but your situation, counselling is really a good idea.

You seem like you have certain ideas that just don't line up with your GF, but you do want to commit and have a family with her. Why not go to pre-marital counselling and work out your disconnects finances, child care, etc before these issues become roadblocks to your future? If you approach her honestly with your concerns she should see that you are committed to working things out before marriage, so you both will be happier.

Kind of sounds like you are not ready to be married, but realize that she is. But as a counter you are picking fighting points that ultimately will end up with you getting your way. Not being married. You are valid in all of your feelings, and your ideas bank accounts, living together at least for the engagement period, a pre-up, not having a huge wedding are all things I support, so let me tell you how it worked for me.

I met my husband when I was 26ish, he was We both were settled into our foever alone routines after bad relationships. We talked about marriage, we are both childfree, we got a dog, we lived together from the 6 month mark on, we share my bank account, but we never make purchases alone or without a heads up so it's no big deal, we have sex with a frequency we both enjoy. I'm sure you guys love each other and have had some good times, but at this point the compromises should be easier.

How is a person wedding not a big wedding? How much will it cost to feed that many people? To rent a venue? How can you agree to marry someone you haven't lived with?

Does one of you snore? Steal covers? Have night terrors? Leave dishes in the sink for a minute longer than the other person can handle? I think a lot of people want weddings, and who wouldn't? A huge ass party celebrating your love?

Fuck yeah! Not as many people want marriages, and that's all the stuff you are thinking about, the unromantic, but very real stuff. Money, living arrangements, when to have kids, legal agreements. It's not the pretty flashy side, but it has to be handled before you commit your life to someone.

For example, my husband and I know what the other one wants if we are in an accident and on life support. Was that a fun, sexy conversation to have? Did it make us a closer, more secure couple? Have a come to jesus talk with her, do it in pre-marital counseling if you think it would help coming from a third party, but you both need to find peace with your decisions on these big issues you are facing.

You are right about the bank accounts, stick to your guns on that. You probably aren't going to win the cohabitation debate. She might have to compromise on the wedding unless she will accept help from family, wanting the big wedding and a house is asking too much. The prenup could end up benefiting her if she ever ends up making more than you and it isn't just to protect you from he, tell her that and stick to it as well.

No one is ever ready for kids, you just have to do it and hope for the best. A prenup is like a seat belt. You don't drive planning to crash, but it's good to have just in case. In another thread I saw someone advise that a pre-nup is almost a way of saying that you love the other person so much, that you're wanting to protect them from yourself in case you change.


I find it helpful. Reddit gives you the best of the internet in one place. I don't really know how to go about this.

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I recently found myself wondering if marriage is worth it, what people's biggest regrets about getting married might be. When I was a little girl, I always assumed that one day I would magically wind up meeting the man destined to be my husband, and that we would quickly go about the business of getting married. Don't get it twisted. I didn't exactly spend every waking second of every waking hour planning my wedding and subsequent marriage although, I'll admit that I did save a picture of the engagement ring Brad Pitt designed for Jennifer Aniston — just in case. It's just that I figured that's what happens when a girl grows up and fall in love.

Love the One You’re With? (…And Other Questions in Relationship OCD)

You wake up next to your significant other with a feeling in the pit of your stomach. Your anxiety rises as you look over and notice the bed head, bare face and morning breath. You get in the shower to avoid looking at your partner, desperation rising. Your brain races about how you will escape the potentially horrible situation you are in. Are you attracted enough to your significant other? Do you both think the same stuff is funny? How do you know if you love them? Is there another person who is a better match?

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Проваливай и умри.

Сообщения поступали мгновенно, и их нельзя было отследить. Он торопливо повернул выключатель. Стекла очков блеснули, и его пальцы снова задвигались в воздухе. Он, как обычно, записал имена жертв.

15 Painfully Honest Reasons Men Regret Getting Married

Скажи, что ты ушел с поста декана. Дэвид кивнул. - В следующем семестре я возвращаюсь в аудиторию. Сьюзан с облегчением вздохнула: - Туда, где твое подлинное призвание.

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Одно ему было абсолютно ясно: распрекрасная Сьюзан Флетчер бьется над чем-то очень важным, и можно поклясться, что это никакая не диагностика. ГЛАВА 28 Сеньор Ролдан восседал за своим столом в агентстве сопровождения Белена, чрезвычайно довольный тем, как умело обошел глупую полицейскую ловушку.

Немецкий акцент и просьба снять девушку на ночь - это же очевидная подстава. Интересно, что они еще придумают. Телефон на столе громко зазвонил. Сеньор Ролдан поднял трубку с обычной для него самоуверенностью.

- Это зависит от оперативности, с которой ARA пересылает почту. Если адресат находится в Штатах и пользуется такими провайдерами, как Америка онлайн или Компьюсерв, я отслежу его кредитную карточку и получу его учетную запись в течение часа. Если он использует адрес университета или корпорации, времени уйдет немного.  - Она через силу улыбнулась.  - Остальное будет зависеть от.

Сьюзан знала, что остальное - это штурмовая группа АНБ, которая, перерезав электрические провода, ворвется в дом с автоматами, заряженными резиновыми пулями.

I have been with my girlfriend for almost 3 years now and I love her a lot, but I don't think I can see us getting married. I would love to get.

Он понимал, что пуля лишь слегка оцарапала жертву, не причинив существенного ущерба, тем не менее она сделала свое. Контакт был установлен. Жертва ощутила прикосновение смерти, и началась совершенно иная игра. Беккер мчался, не видя ничего вокруг, постоянно сворачивал, избегая прямых участков. Шаги неумолимо приближались.

Шестьдесят четыре буквы! - скомандовала Сьюзан.  - Это совершенный квадрат. - Совершенный квадрат? - переспросил Джабба.

Молчание. Хейл сразу же растерялся, не зная, как истолковать примирительный тон коммандера, и немного ослабил хватку на горле Сьюзан.

- Н-ну, - заикаясь начал он, и голос его внезапно задрожал.  - Первым делом вы отдаете мне пистолет.

Каждый затраханный файл может спасти мир.

Знает ли она, что именно вы собираетесь сделать с Цифровой крепостью. - И что. Хейл понимал: то, что он сейчас скажет, либо принесет ему свободу, либо станет его смертным приговором. Он набрал в легкие воздуха.

ГЛАВА 80 Хейл, крепко сжимая шею Сьюзан, крикнул в темноту: - Коммандер, твоя подружка у меня в руках. Я требую выпустить меня отсюда. В ответ - тишина. Его руки крепче сжали ее шею. - Я сейчас ее убью.

Пуля срикошетила от стены. Рванувшись вниз за своей жертвой, он продолжал держаться вплотную к внешней стене, что позволило бы ему стрелять под наибольшим углом. Но всякий раз, когда перед ним открывался очередной виток спирали, Беккер оставался вне поля зрения и создавалось впечатление, что тот постоянно находится впереди на сто восемьдесят градусов. Беккер держался центра башни, срезая углы и одним прыжком преодолевая сразу несколько ступенек, Халохот неуклонно двигался за .

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